Day by Day

As I begin to explore my new vision in my left eye after cataract surgery earlier this week I realize that I cannot ever know or plan anything fully in advance. All I can do is to be here in the moment

exploring the beauty of the world around me. Each decision I make in life often has two sides, a plus and a minus.

You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

— Martin Luther King, Jr.

Though I thought that I knew what I wanted, in my vision before the cataract surgery, that is not what I have coming out on the other side of it. What I now have in my dominant left eye is better in some ways and worse in some ways than I had hoped for. On the minus side, I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to discern that my camera is in focus when I create photographs. I may need glasses to do that. But on the plus side, when I shut my right eye, in which I’ve not yet had the surgery, I can see that the yellow cast that filmed everything I saw is gone. I can see my computer beautifully and use my phone without the need for glasses. Everything I want to see around the house is clear and bright. But I can no longer see to read close up things with my left eye as I could before.

My monkey mind has been in overdrive trying “figure out” what type of lens to choose for my right eye. And It’s driving me crazy that I can’t just let go of thinking about it and be at ease with whatever I choose. The past three days I’ve spent time making a few photographs of the flowers and plants that I have in the house. And that simple exercise is showing me that no matter what happens I will figure out a way to do my photographic work that is so essential to my happiness.

I have learned to live my life one step, one breath, and one moment at a time, but it was a long road. I set out on a journey of love, seeking truth, peace and understanding. I am still learning.

— Muhammad Ali

The Analyzer (a.k.a. worrier)

Early in my software engineering career at Medtronic I worked on software for a product called “The Analyzer” used in implantation of pacemakers and internal defibrillators. A friend of mine thought that it was quite funny and ironic that I was working on software with a name that so closely described how I often approach life.

Practicing meditation is one way that I try to let go of monkey mind and the analyzer in my brain that doesn’t want to quit. Sometimes it helps, but it is a moment by moment practice, noticing, letting go, noticing again, and letting go again.

I think I’ve shared this poem before, but it’s so appropriate for today, that I’m sharing it again.

I Worried

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?
Finally, I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.

— Mary Oliver

My wish for everyone today is that they be able to relax into taking everything day by day, letting go of worry, anxiety, and over-analyzing. Maybe you can take yourself out into the morning tomorrow and sing.

May you walk in beauty.