Soul Whispering

Quote of the day: “If I’m not saying “HELL YEAH!” about something, then say no.” — Derek Sivers

For most of the late spring and summer I’ve been working with/through a lot of pain. I’ve found ways to work around it, problem-solved how to fix it, and attempted to stay present and clear through it all.

I’ve been in problem-solving/fix-it mode tweaking what I eat, trying to log symptoms and make correlations between good days and bad, researching and reading anything that I can find that might provide a clue, and trying to carry on my life with friends, family, work, as if nothing is going on.

Today I hit the wall as pain levels continued to increase despite all my best efforts to eat healthy foods, limit activities that seemed to contribute to pain, and to do strengthening and stretching exercises to try to improve my capabilities.

I cried this morning. I was grouchy and short-tempered this afternoon. And tonight I snapped (again) at my husband for no good reason. Tears well in my eyes as I write this. I let them rise. I attempt to quiet my mind and breathe in slowly. Underneath the sadness I discover anger. I’d like to punch something right now, pummel it, beat it senseless and howl foul epithets at the moon. Instead I watch my breath and see how it speeds up in anger and then softens and slows again as I keep watching it and allowing emotions to arise and subside.

It’s like riding waves with each wave a little smaller than the previous one. The spaces between the waves show me I need to make a change.

Problem-solving does not work.

Fixing does not work.

Wishful thinking does not work.

Distraction does not work.

Pretending does not work.

It’s time to enter the silence, to listen, to sense again the wholeness that is inside me.

I am going to take a break from all the doing, from my blog (not more than 1-2 weeks), limit my email and internet presence, stop all the thinking/doing/trying/fixing and just be.

It’s time for some soul whispering.

I want listen to the soft whispers of my heart and soul, sensing what it is I want to say, “Hell yeah” to and what I need to say “No” to. Sometimes saying “No” to some things, creates the space for the next right thing to appear.

What are you saying “Hell, Yeah!” to? And what do you need to say “No” to?

I’ll be back soon. I promise. Blessings.