All lives have in-between times; seasons have in-between times, days have in-between times.

You know—

the time between where you are and where you want to be…

the space between what you envision creating and what you actually create…

the season that’s not quite winter and not quite spring…

the time between deciding to take a big trip somewhere and actually arriving at your destination…

the time you wait for the stoplight to change from red to green…

Loving the In-between

For me, winter in Minnesota is often a vast wasteland of in-between time. My least favorite season of the year, I start out appreciating it’s beauty and saying that this year I will get out and do more outdoor activities. And then I end up impatiently waiting for spring to arrive, wanting to skip the fallow cold time and move into more active pursuits.

As a photographer I struggle with figuring out what I want to photograph during the cold winter months. I do not enjoy freezing my fingers (and other parts of my anatomy) off making outdoor photographs in the bitter cold days of winter. Nor do I relish photographing snowy landscapes day after day.

I love photographing cut flowers and spend hours enjoying it’s pursuit (indoors) during cold winter days. But towards the end of winter my restlessness grows. I need to be out in the woods with green things surrounding me.

If I were a bear I’d probably be pacing back and forth in my cave muttering “When is it going to be spring?” instead of waking briefly, sniffing the air, and rolling over to sleep for a few more weeks.

Recently I went through a big round of in-between time and as the days ticked off with me still living in in-between time, my frustration levels grew. Despite my mindfulness practice, I found myself wanting to skip the in-between and jump to where I wanted to be—NOW.

But fortunately life doesn’t work that way. That is good, because despite seeming empty or pointless, the in between is a creative, renewing space.

In some ways the in between is all that we have.

Each moment of in-between time is an invitation to slow down and be.

Learning to love the in-between means learning to accept what is, discern right timing and right action, and  love ourselves and our lives deeply just as they are.

Noticing the ordinary miracles of the in-between makes it easier for me to love the in-between. Choosing to see beauty, even in the in-between, brings me joy.

Knowing in my heart that just as the seasons turn each year, they turn in each life also helps. Some seasons are easy to love, easy to enjoy. Other seasons are more challenging. But beauty is always present somewhere, somehow.

I just finished reading Atul Gawande’s riveting book, Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End. Gawande’s stories about aging and end-of-life decisions reminded me of what my mother-in-law said as she aged, “Getting old is not for sissies.” But he also offered wisdom and hope for living whatever time we have richly and as fully possible.

We are living in the big in-between.

Gawande wrestles with understanding what makes life worthwhile and how physicians and others can actively guide the process of discerning how to make the challenging seasons of life meaningful, rich, and humane . What struck me as I read this moving and luminous book, was the grace of accepting what is, helps navigate the big in-between.

The next time you sense you are in the in-between try just sitting and noticing your breath instead of trying to fix it, browsing your smart phone, impatiently scanning for something on the television or radio, or even opening a book to read.

When you notice yourself becoming impatient and frustrated with all the stuff that is not happening that you would like to have happen, try riding the wave of the impatience and frustration, noticing how it feels in your body, noticing how feelings arise, peak, and diminish, noticing your thoughts.

Often when I stop and tune into my impatience or frustration and stop resisting what is I notice that my impatience and frustration are rooted in a sense of not enough-ness of either myself or the present moment.

At those times I remind myself that I do not need to justify my existence. There is nothing to earn or achieve that will make me any more worthy than I am.

“You are enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone.” — Maya Angelou

Loving the in-between is a lesson in learning to love yourself and your life every moment. Mindulness  practice helps me navigate the big in-between. So does gratitude and doing what brings me joy.

May you walk in beauty.