Flowers and Ducks

My writing, painting and photographing continues. Though yesterday I revealed what a hard time I was having with our current world situation, the writing brought me peace. Saying aloud (or in writing) what I was feeling and allowing myself to feel it was healing.

Yesterday, after writing my blog post, I worked on a watercolor painting, photographed it and then found a photograph to combine with the painting. It took several tries but finally I found a look that I liked. This morning I added more detail to the painting and I will be curious to see how it will turn it out. It’s drying now and I expect to add a little more to the painting before I am done with it. Perhaps the end result will spark another, different photo/painting combination.

I also watched the wood ducks and mallards swimming in the pond yesterday through the sleet, snow, and rain, and made photos of them through the window. They seem to take the weather, whatever it is, with grace.

Flowers and Ducks

That’s how you could sum up my day.

The watercolor painting used to create the image above

Writing about my feelings and talking with Jon about them helped me to come back to myself and let go of the sadness I had been feeling.

I realized as I was talking with Jon yesterday that part of the discomfort I was feeling was a sense of uselessness because I’m not actively working at a job, volunteering, caring for children, or contributing in a measurable way to our greater good. “It would be a lot easier,” I told Jon, “if I was still working and we had kids at home to care for. I feel as if I’m not doing enough.” 

And there it was—not enough—a phrase I’ve used and felt often in my life.

“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.” — Brené Brown

Not enough?

Who says I’m not doing enough? It’s my young self that felt life was a competition where worth came from doing. Staying at home is a kind of doing also. It’s an active choice to help flatten the curve of this virus. And making and sharing beauty is also a kind of doing. Even if I do nothing at all, contribute nothing, and simply eat bon-bons and read romance novels all day, as a human being I am enough. And so are you ,dear reader.

Last night before going to bed I sat in meditation with Tara Brach (on video) and Jack Kornfield (also on video) through the free Sounds True Mindfulness Daily program. It was a perfect end to my day and filled me with peace and self-compassion.

“When I tried this morning, after an hour or so of unhappy thinking, to dip back into my meditation, I took a new idea with me: compassion. I asked my heart if it could please infuse my soul with a more generous perspective on my mind’s workings. Instead of thinking that I was a failure, could I perhaps accept that I am only a human being–and a normal one, at that?”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Wishing you joy in your day today and always.

May you walk in beauty.

Another early photograph from 2011