I’ve been working on a new project. And it’s been a struggle. I began by creating a collection of photographs that conveyed a certain feeling to me. And then I began examining and working on them. I realized that I had a look and feel in mind for the photographs in this project, but I hadn’t yet asked myself a crucial question. What is this project about?
The Creative Journey
is often circular, uncertain, and frustrating. Yet I know of no better way to grow and learn as an artist than to commit to and complete a creative project and then wrestle with completing that project. Sometimes I walk away for a few days, sometimes for weeks. But I try to come back and continue the journey wherever it leads me. Is your creative journey like this? Do you also struggle to bring projects to fruition?
Do you also ask questions like these?
What am I trying to express? And what feelings am I trying to convey? Is there a story line to this project?
I began my discernment process about this creative project by making a list of qualities and feelings that the photographs that I selected evoke…
- ephemeral
- graceful
- alive
- beautiful
- surprising
- delicate
- wabi-sabi
- loss
- decay
- dark
- broken
- regret
- simple
- delicate
- strong
- resilient
- lush
- light-filled
- fecund
That’s quite a diverse list of qualities and I am still uncertain about how they all fit together or even if they fit together. I’ve created 2 sets of images, one is of toned B&W photos, the other is color images. Now I’m wondering which group of images to work with first. I know in my heart that the toned B&W images do not belong in the same group with the color images. They are saying something different. But I’m not sure how to express their differences yet.
After pondering my questions about this project overnight I’ve decided to begin working with the color images. My last big project (the book Looking for God) used toned B&W images throughout and I’m ready for something a little different. To help me figure out what this project is all about I’ve decided to pick an image from the group of images I selected and write an essay to go with the image. Here is the first image that I chose and its accompanying essay.
********* First Image and Essay **********
Loss
I made this photograph last summer. It was one of a very few times that I saw a monarch butterfly during the entire summer. And it thrilled me to see one visiting a milkweed plant in a wildflower garden near where I live. But it also saddened me to think about how very few of these wonderful butterflies I had seen this year.
So few, when once they were so commonly seen. When I began seriously making photographs I remember summers where I photographed countless monarch butterflies, in my own yard and in nearby gardens and parks. But this summer I saw only a handful of these lovely butterflies. Though many have made efforts to plant milkweed in our area so that they may once again thrive, I can’t help wondering whether we may be doing too little too late.
Scientists tell us that we are in the midst of a mass extinction, losing countless species of insects, animals, and plants. In our area we have lost most of the ash trees to an invasive beetle, the emerald ash borer. Just two summers ago our city removed almost all of the ash trees in city parks. Though they planted new trees to replace them, for awhile the park that I often walk through near our home, looked like a barren disaster zone. The good news is that though the newly replanted trees have only been there two years, the park looks lush and green again. This landscape seems to be healing quickly.
Wondering About the Memories of Trees
Have you ever noticed after a massive windstorm or tornado has downed large old trees in its path, that it feels like the remaining trees and growing things in the area are mourning the loss? I often notice this. When I walk among the downed and remaining trees, I can feel a sense of sadness and grief in the air. The more that we learn about the lives of plants the more we realize that though they are rooted in one spot they respond chemically to the world around them, sending out messages through their roots and through the air to other nearby plants. Is it such a leap of faith to think that they feel loss too?
The question I keep asking myself as I contemplate the climate change I am seeing in our area and around the world, is how to keep finding joy and beauty in what remains, how to mourn the losses, and how to go forward with loving kindness, optimism, and joy. What is right action for me now in this time? How can I best use my gifts to make a positive difference? Is there something new that wants to emerge from this challenging and frightening time?
Sometimes I get lost in grief and regret wondering whether I can still help make a positive difference. I don’t grieve so much for myself. I’ve lived a good full life. It is the generations who follow me, and the other living creatures on the earth who will bear the brunt of what our generation and generations before us did.
Wandering Towards Wholeness
The key for my peace of mind is to allow myself to feel my grief over the losses in nature and in my life and too also keep noticing the beauty, grace, and resilience of nature all around me. I am often finding life bittersweet these days. Perhaps it always has been bittersweet. Everyone knows loss or illness, heartbreak or loneliness sometime in their lives. If we’re lucky we also know love, joy, wonder, and gratitude.
I believe that life is resilient. The earth is resilient. I am resilient. Life will survive and once again thrive here on earth. The question is whether we humans and any of the civilization that we have created will survive. I believe that the dominant culture that we have created here on earth is unsustainable. The privileged life that I have led is unsustainable. I look to the story tellers, poets, indigenous people, and deep thinkers to help lead us towards a sustainable way of living in harmony with nature and others. And I seek to change my thinking and behaviors from a consumer oriented lifestyle towards a lifestyle rooted in finding joy and satisfaction in experiencing nature’s beauty and bounty, conserving and reusing (as my parents and grandparents did), creating beauty through my photography, and spending time with family and friends.
Each one of us matters, has a role to play, and makes a difference. Each one of us must take responsibility for our own lives, and above all, show respect and love for living things around us, especially each other.
― Reason for Hope: A Spiritual Journey
******** End of Essay ********
I plan to share additional essays here as I work slowly on seeing whether these photographs I’ve selected and projects that I envision will hang together. Who knows where this project will go and if I will find a common theme in my essays. I will endeavor to do the work and see where it leads me.
Have a beautiful week friends. Wishing you joy in your creative journey.
May you walk in beauty.
Note: Here are a few photos from a walk by Medicine Lake earlier this week and from my deck Thursday night with just a bit of northern lights visible even here in the city.
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