I am happy to be at home today inside a safe warm house. Today is a day of
Solstice and Snow Storm
— a day of duality, the darkest day of the year and the turning towards the light. Alongside solstice, we are at the beginning of what is predicted to be a 3-day snow storm/blizzard with very cold temperatures.
I am feeling the in between space keenly today. Monday I had my second cataract surgery. While it went mostly smoothly and I’m feeling fine, I have not yet adjusted to my new vision. It is not what I anticipated and I am feeling some regrets about the choices I made for lens implants. I can see far things beautifully but even with reading glasses my near world is still a bit blurry and fuzzy.
The crystal clear view I had at my computer last week before the second surgery is now fuzzy because of my two eyes’ competing view of my world. And reading (my favorite thing to do) has become a chore.
So I’m feeling a little bit sad today.
To hold the beauty of what is while also bearing the weight of our sorrow, limbs that ache for what might have been is the trick of life. To be able to hold both things is the key, if not to happiness, then contentment; to a liberation that only accepting what we cannot change can bring.
— Cheryl Strayed
It is early days yet and I still have hope that my brain will adjust. In the meantime I am trying to make room for all my feelings, to simply allow my feelings to ebb and flow.
We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.
— Pema Chödrön
The weather is not helping my mood today. Newly falling snow, predicted blizzard conditions, and extreme wind chills are making us rethink our holiday plans.
Even the birds know the storm is coming. They have been flocking to my bird feeders all morning long, filling up on food before the winds and deeper cold arrive.
Despite my little bit of sadness today, I am grateful for this life, with all of its twists and turns. The older I get the more I realize how very blessed I am in my life. You might say that my problems are first world problems that many in this world would give anything to face rather than what they are facing.
No matter what your plans for the holidays are, I wish you warmth, peace, love, and laughter. May you find joy in each day during this holiday season.
When you recognize that you will thrive not in spite of your losses and sorrows, but because of them, that you would not have chosen the things that happened in your life, but you are grateful for them, that you will hold the empty bowls eternally in your hands, but you also have the capacity to fill them?
THE WORD FOR THAT IS HEALING.”
― Brave Enough
May you walk in beauty.
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