Those of you who know me well, have heard the saga of our seemingly never-ending basement remodel. It began over three years ago and though it is not yet done, I can see the light at the end of the remodeling tunnel. Next week our new carpet will be installed. Afterwards,I am looking forward to sitting in front of the fireplace and feeling cozy and warm this winter.
One thing I’ve learned during this remodeling process is that just like our basement, I am very much
A Work in Progress
I’ve learned a lot about patience, respect, and trust during this remodeling project. Patience has never been my strong suit but patience was necessary. Otherwise I might feel like I’ve been banging my head against a cement wall for over 3 years. Instead I only feel like I’ve been banging my head against a cement wall for 2 years (sadly I’m a slow learner). My husband, who did most of the basement work moves at his own pace. He had a lot to learn about carpentry that he slowly learned as he did the work. One thing we both learned is that nothing is level, plumb, or even in a house that is 45 years old. So measuring paneling for the walls was a kind of puzzle game. On top of that little things like aging, my hip replacement and his hospitalization last year slowed both of us down for long periods of time.
We are sun and moon, dear friend; we are sea and land. It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is: each the other’s opposite and complement.
― Narcissus and Goldmund
Acceptance and Respect
There is truth to the adage that suggests that we accept what we cannot change. Not accepting reality leads to worry, stress, and other dysfunctional behavior. But more than that, I have learned (sadly it took me until now to learn it) to let go of the idea that what I believe and want is the right way. After many struggles with the slowness of the project I learned to respect my husband’s choice to do the work himself at his own pace.
I didn’t grow up in a family that respected others’ opinions or choices if they differed from their own. There was one right way and that was it. You got things done and you got them done quickly.
I don’t know how to describe the lack of respect I grew up with. There was a lack of acceptance of anything that was different from the one right way. But there was also a streak of disregard and disrespect that stung. Unknowingly I was playing out those behaviors and beliefs with my husband during the basement remodel.
I wish I understood fully what finally helped me open my eyes to my own disrespect for others. Probably one of the biggest changes was when Jon was hospitalized twice last fall within ten days. It feels like the trauma that we experienced together broke me open at long last and allowed me to see my behaviors more clearly. Slowly I began to see patterns of behavior in myself that were disrespectful (that inner know-it-all who thought she was always right). I didn’t like what I saw and decided that I wanted to change. Slowly I make progress, step by step.
Blessings in Disguise
I think that many initially negative events in our lives can be blessings in disguise. Most of the difficult times in my life have led to learning and growth. Is that true for you too? Are you also a work in progress? Perhaps we are all a work in progress. I believe that life itself is all about love and curiosity. Here’s to a lifetime of growing in our capability to love and never losing our sense of curiosity and wonder about the world!
The greatest wisdom is in simplicity. Love, respect, tolerance, sharing, gratitude, forgiveness. It’s not complex or elaborate. The real knowledge is free. It’s encoded in your DNA. All you need is within you. Great teachers have said that from the beginning. Find your heart, and you will find your way.”
―
May you walk in beauty.
Note: more photos from my walk yesterday beside Medicine Lake
Hiding in plain sight
0 Comments