Recently I had some issues come up that brought up a lot of emotion and angst. It has taken me several days to begin finding my center again. This reminds me that over and over again we face a kind of
Shadow Dance
with the dragons in our lives.
This morning I finally realized that there was something to learn from all of the roiling emotions I was experiencing. I can stay at war with what is, and with what happened, or I can pause, get curious, and explore my longings as signposts that are calling me home.
Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.
— Rainer Maria Rilke
I discovered that listening to Tara Brach’s talk this week, From Dragons to Schmoos – Meeting Life with Compassionate Presence, was exactly what I needed to begin coming home to myself. Letting go of my anger with myself and the others involved in the shadow dance required me to realize that I was also feeling ashamed and vulnerable for getting caught up in old emotions and patterns.
Now, I want to be clear, the problems that precipitated the angst and emotion are still there. Nothing has changed in my external world. And I still have a journey through dragon land before this issue will be resolved. But I am hopeful that I can navigate through this passage with compassion, love, and integrity.
Each time you meet an old emotional pattern with presence, your awakening to truth can deepen. There’s less identification with the self in the story and more ability to rest in the awareness that is witnessing what’s happening. You become more able to abide in compassion, to remember and trust your true home. Rather than cycling repetitively through old conditioning, you are actually spiraling toward freedom.
― True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart
I sit here, hand on heart, saying “I’m sorry that this happened. I love you. You are worthy,” as I let go of old messages of shame and unworthiness. It is a never-ending journey of letting go, accepting, and being present.
Sometimes I fall into the trap of believing that I should be able to deal with my stuff once and for all. But that’s not the way it works. We have countless opportunities throughout our lives to peel through layers of illusions, delusions, and pain, just like peeling an onion. There is no ultimate destination, no perfection to be achieved.
Life brings both joy and suffering to everyone. The more that we realize this the more compassionate and loving we can be with ourselves and others.
May you walk in beauty.
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