This morning when I went to the grocery store to pick up a few groceries, I found a small bouquet of calla lilies in the flower section. Though things have a long way to go before they return to normal after my husband’s two recent hospitalizations, I felt that today I could take a little bit of time with my camera.
Flower Therapy
It feels so good to spend some time seeing beauty through the lens of my camera today after two weeks of high stress and exhaustion. And though we still have a journey ahead with Jon’s health issues, I am grateful for these moments of peace now.
I’ve had the windows to the house open this week and am enjoying feeling gentle breezes waft through the house. Ordinary pleasures have taken on heightened meaning after days of worry and stress. I think last night was the first really long sleep either of us has had since our late night trip to the emergency room two weeks ago.
As we navigate this new territory together we are both having so many new feelings and thoughts. Though we still don’t consider ourselves “old,” we are both feeling the aging process differently than we did before. And I am grateful for all of my life experiences before this that are helping me to be more present more of the time.
In Blackwater Woods [Excerpt]
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
— Mary Oliver
None of us knows what the future will bring. We may have years left to live upon this earth or only days. Though we believe that we will find a solution for Jon’s health issues eventually, going through these recent days has reminded me of our mortality. I do not want to spend my days in fear of losing Jon or some imaginary future. So I meditate, pray, and focus on each moment we have. Mostly I am able to navigate this new territory well enough. Though I might hope to be more graceful and less emotional during times of crisis I am extending compassion to myself as I navigate this new terrain.
Gratitude, Love, Beauty
These are the three things that sustain me and lift me when I feel sad or afraid. There is a lot going on in the world right now that is downright disheartening, frightening, and discouraging. The only way through all of this for me is to allow myself to feel whatever feelings I might be having. And then to deliberately focus on what I feel grateful for, or on beauty, or simply trying to be loving in the moment.
And I give myself time for flower therapy in the in-between times while we are waiting.
Life starts and it ends with a breath, in between these two breaths lays a story; a child is born and explores the world; the child smiles and cries; the child lives and becomes a man; the man learns that life is neither good or bad, just beautiful the way it is.
Life ends on this earth by letting go of the first breath, because the man knows that letting go is the path that leads to freedom; and then life begins again purer than ever.
―
Life is beautiful and it can be brutal. But I feel so blessed to be here right now in this place. Do you also feel blessed?
Starlings in Winter [Excerpt]
Ah, world, what lessons you prepare for us,
even in the leafless winter,
even in the ashy city.
I am thinking now
of grief, and of getting past it;
I feel my boots
trying to leave the ground,
I feel my heart
pumping hard. I want
to think again of dangerous and noble things.
I want to be light and frolicsome.
I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing,
as though I had wings.
— Mary Oliver
And here is some flower therapy for you dear friends.
May you walk in beauty.
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