Like a dream
Yesterday I worked on cleaning out the toy closet in the basement. It was filled with old toys, stuffed animals, and games saved from our children’s childhood. As I pulled one familiar old toy after another out to examine it, it felt
Like a dream
that my kids were ever little enough to play with these toys. As our grandchildren are transitioning from childhood to their teen years I’m filled with nostalgia and wishing that I’d paid more attention along the way soaking in the moments. But as a parent I was often so overwhelmed with work, kids, school volunteering, and household needs that I didn’t take time to pause and appreciate.
So yesterday it was with mixed feelings that I sorted Barbie dolls and my little ponies, American Girl doll, cradle, and crib. And games, games, games. For a little while I wallowed in nostalgia and a mixture of sadness and gladness.
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
―
I found a t-shirt that my mother-in-law gave my oldest daughter when she was 2 years old. I couldn’t help but smile remembering the time we spent with Marie (my mother-in-law) at her cabin by the lake. It was a little A-frame that initially had no plumbing or kitchen facilities. (I remember visiting the cabin with Jon and taking showers on the back patio in a swimsuit pouring gallon bottles of water that we had filled at a hydrant at the park in town.)
Sweet memories
When Marie retired she added on to the back of the A-frame, a kitchen, bathroom and porch. And she lived there in retirement for a long time. We spent so many weekends and vacations there with her. And she was endlessly patient, loving and accepting of us just as we were. I discovered my love of wildflowers from walking around the lake with Marie. And began my love of bird watching with her.
And what the t-shirt says — it’s still true today. My daughter does operate on love, guts, determination and an occasional chocolate. Actually, both of my daughters do.
It seems like only yesterday yet it was a long time ago. So much has changed. And so much remains the same. Life keeps turning, the clock keeps ticking, and the seasons turn. I wouldn’t turn back the clock if I could nor would I want to relive those years. I am contented with where I have landed in my “golden” years and the peace and happiness I now experience was hard won.
“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”
― Winnie-the-Pooh
Great Gratitude
And though it sometimes feels like a dream I am so grateful for the life I’ve been able to live. In this time of pandemic I sometimes ask myself how it is that I am so lucky. I have plenty to eat, a beautiful place to live, family, friends, and a life that I love.
“What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.”
―
All I can do is give thanks and do what I can to help others. And recognize that I do live a life of privilege and that many others do not have that privilege.
May you walk in beauty.
P.S. A note about all of the pony photos. My oldest daughter and her best friend were totally obsessed with My Little Ponies. They each had a huge collection and they played with them by the hour. This was during the period of time when our daughter was suffering from an un-diagnosed (they never did figure out what was going on) liver disease that we feared might eventually cause an early death. Those times carry bittersweet memories of fear, sadness, and great gladness. Seeing the ponies yesterday brought it all back for me in full force. Our great gladness often comes from being forged in the fires of despair. I remember telling a friend at the time, “I feel like I am a rock on the top of a mountain and the winds of fate are buffeting me from all directions, sanding off the rough places. I’m not sure who I will be when this is all over.”
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