In the beautiful sunshine this morning I went outside to make a few photographs of my hanging basket of petunias in the morning sunlight. It was not “perfect” light for photography. But I find I love the challenge of seeing and portraying the beauty of those contrasty bright light times of day. It is this kind of light that serious photographers are “supposed” to be avoid.
I finally got busy making some new paintings after pouting for a few days. My recent landscape painting efforts have discouraged me and I avoided painting for a few days.
So today I’m writing about
Petunias and Painting — the Art of Persistence
Yesterday I picked up my paint brushes to work on the Heart-led Landscape Painting class that I am taking. I’m finding it hard to work up steady enthusiasm for landscape painting. So far, my paintings have been so bad (in my eyes).
There is something about taking a class and trying to learn new skills that brings out my inner little Hitler. I get caught up in thinking that I need to do things the way that I’m being taught. Instead of focusing on the process I focus on results. And then I hit a wall of resistance and stop.
“Resistance is directly proportional to love. If you’re feeling massive Resistance, the good news is that it means there’s tremendous love there too.”
― The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles
But I know that resistance shows up in many ways when one is creating, especially when learning a new skill. So I made it a priority to paint and watch a new video from the course.
The Art of Play
I breathed a sigh of relief when the instructor led us in an exercise of playing with color and water. Her intention was for us to learn how the paint moves on the paper with differing amounts of water. That led to this painting which began as a simple exploration of two colors that I love:
And this one where I was experimenting with several new colors of paint that arrived in the mail last week.
Though I would prefer to keep my “not so good” paintings private, I keep showing them here to encourage you to create without any particular intention. If I focus solely on enjoying the moment without having an end in mind, I find joy in the process of painting. It doesn’t matter how the work turns out because it’s not work, it’s play. And the joy of the process is enough to keep me motivated.
But I don’t always feel good about what I create and I certainly don’t always stay with the intention of play. It’s tricky pushing against the edges of my incompetence.
It would be so easy to limit my creative work to photography. Every day I pick up my camera without even thinking much about it, to photograph the beauty of each day as it unfolds. But I didn’t do that when I first began photographing. I probably worked in a similar start and stop pattern as I am now doing with watercolor painting, because I wasn’t as good as I wanted to be. Now I let my joy and love for it lead me forward and it’s something I wouldn’t want to live without. Because I feel confident in my skills as a photographer the joy of continuing to learn and express myself carries me forward with little or no discipline or effort on my part.
But it took time and lots of unlearning along with new learning to get to the place of joy pulling me forward with no effort or discipline.
Unlearning lifelong patterns
Book-learning came easily to me as a child. I became used to doing well in school with little effort. Still, I grew up always comparing myself to others. Because I was a klutz at sports I avoided them whenever I could. In fact for a long time I avoided anything that didn’t come quickly and easily (and missed out on a lot of fun). So now I am determined to explore learning new things that interest me just for the sheer joy of doing them. Never mind how “good” I am at them.
But it takes persistence, patience, and a willingness to face down resistance again and again. For me, it’s worth it as I open myself to the joy of playful presence and learn to let go of the need to prove myself or compare myself to an external standard of excellence.
We must risk delight. We can do without pleasure,
but not delight. Not enjoyment. We must have
the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless
furnace of the world.
— Jack Gilbert
How about you? What creative skill have you been curious about but told yourself you weren’t good enough to pursue? Is it time to revisit that decision? Perhaps a little art play is just what you need. And some attention to the art of persistence.
May you walk in beauty.
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