Watercolor Doodling, Clouds, and a Peony Bud

This painting began as watercolor gradations of some of my favorite colors. I made it during a Zoom meeting with my Makers Art Group on Saturday. Then yesterday I decided to doodle on top of the first layer of paint.

Playing around is how I like to “do” art. I’ve been keeping my camera ready so that I can pick it up whenever I see something that captivates me. Yesterday and early this morning it’s been…

Watercolor Doodling, Clouds, and a Peony Bud

…that captivated me.

I watch for beauty and I create because it brings me joy. But I am also beginning to educate myself as a white person about systemic racism and trying to learn how I can effectively support Black Lives Matter and BIPOC organizations. For too long, I resisted becoming involved because it feels uncomfortable and challenging.

If you’re here today for light things and beauty, I suggest you stop reading now.

Grappling with Racism

For too long I’ve sat in my comfortable white bubble and said, “I’m not an activist” and “I’m not a racist.” I can’t continue to say that with a clear conscience. Here I am living my privileged life through the COVID-19 pandemic, with my biggest worry being whether or when I or one of my loved ones might get sick with COVID-19. As a retiree I have the freedom and financial resources to live without needing to work and the privilege of following my joy.

Seeing the video of the death of George Floyd caused most of us to raise our voices to say that it was wrong. Then the stories of countless Black men and women who had met similar fates began being told. This morning I read about the death of Elijah McClain, a 23-year old black man who died last summer after being detained by police and injected with ketamine by first responders in Aurora, Colorado. It broke my heart to hear how this beautiful young man died. I try to imagine something similar happening to one of my daughters or nieces or nephews or friends’ children and it is unthinkable. It would not happen because their skin is white.

I let that sink in to my consciousness. Damn! It’s true. This kind of violence happens again and again and again to people of color in our country.

Waiting for Change

When activists took to the streets across the country and around the world. I thought that surely we would create change. Surely we would gain the momentum to address and begin changing the racism that our country was built on. But I watch what is happening in the U.S. Senate and in our own Minnesota legislature and I am appalled. Nothing is changing.

I cannot keep waiting for someone else to create change. It’s time for me to start working for the changes I want to see in the world.

I’m noticing how the news and social media feeds are returning to “normal,” while the calls for justice for Black communities are no longer garnering the support they once were. People are getting upset because crowds are tearing down statues of “heros” of our country.  I feel like shouting, “Come on people! We’re better than this.”

Confronting the myriad of ways that I have been complicit in racism is not going to be easy. But it is a necessary internal change I need to make. Along with this I need to act in support of Black Lives Matter. Change is not easy. But change is necessary.

We must insist on substantive police reform where officers can be held accountable for their actions when they are clearly racist, illegal, and violent. So today I commit to researching at least one current case of police brutality and making a phone call or sending an email asking that officers be held accountable. It’s a small action but it is a start. What will you do?

May you walk in beauty.

Just before sunrise this morning