I am sick. Again! It seems like forever. First I had a cold that just wouldn’t go away. Then finally I felt back to my normal self when BAM I came down with something new. I’m not sure whether it’s simply a nasty cold virus or if it’s influenza as it has some aspects of both. Onset wasn’t sudden but whatever it is, it’s fierce! I’m beginning to feel a bit better after almost a week of this bug but I still feel terrible! Whatever it is, it’s the fever, body aches, sore throat, headache, coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose constantly, unhappy tummy bug!
So what do you do when you feel too crappy for words? I know what I do. (Hint: Remember this is a photographer writing this blog post.)
Even though I feel awful, I’m bored. I can’t stick with reading. Television makes my head hurt worse. And I don’t have the energy for much more. But somehow I’ve managed to play with my camera a bit. When I look at the images I’ve made it feels like
Fever Dreams
My experiments have yielded a lot of throw-away images but I’ve found a few that I like. This is as good as it gets when I’m experimenting with my camera (which I almost always am).
I’m working on seeing how much of the image needs to be in focus for it to work and how much can be blurry. Using a wide open lens (low F stop) gives me very shallow depth of field even when I’m up super close to the subject. This gives much of the image a soft, dreamy out-of focus look. Sometimes it works and often it just looks like bad photography.
It’s amaryllis time again and my two amaryllis bulbs have begun blooming. I keep thinking what a shame it would be if I didn’t get a chance to photograph these lovely flowers at their peak. So I put my “nifty fifty” lens (a very inexpensive 50 mm F/1.8 lens) on my camera along with an extension tube so that I could get up super close. Whenever I have a bit of energy I head out to my dining room photo studio where I have the camera setup on a tripod and the amaryllis bulbs sitting on the buffet.
I make a few shots, download them to my computer, do a little bit of editing and then collapse back into my recliner or bed to rest for awhile. The effort of making a half dozen shots wears me out for the rest of the day.
Though I often feel like complaining about being sick again, I am also working on feeling grateful for all that is good in my life and for all my blessings. I don’t like being sick, but in some ways this forced down-time simplifies life to its essence. It forces me to stop, listen, feel and think about…
What really matters?
This breath, and then the next, and the one after that. I am safe and warm in my own home with plenty of food, water, books, toys (camera), and have no where I need to be. I have company, my sweet and ever-loving Jon who is now succumbing to the nasty bug. We make quite a pair taking turns taking care of one another.
Unlike many in this world we are blessed beyond measure. To have the freedom to do what we want when we want is a blessing. Having plenty to eat and a warm home, family and friends who care about us is a blessing. I could continue to list blessings for a long long time. My list of blessings feels infinite and my gratitude is great.
This too shall pass. And hopefully soon I’ll be happily feeling well again. May you stay well and grateful through these winter days and…
May you walk in beauty.
P.S. Let me know what you think of these mostly blurry images — too blurry? uninteresting? dreamy? okay but nothing special?
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