The mind can be a dangerous place, full of worries, comparisons, and judgements. Instead of choosing to seek out joy, it’s easy to let old thought patterns take hold and create unhappiness.
Like many of us I have a mind that is a dangerous neighborhood. — Liz Gilbert
Mind Games
Recently I’ve spent too much time hanging out in my mind’s dangerous neighborhoods. Each time I take a step forward in my healing process after hip replacement it seems that I fall two steps back the next day with higher pain levels and inability to do what I want to do.
Instead of accepting that my healing path is unique and that there is no one right way, the bullies in my mind keep nagging me and feeling failed because I’m still not able to reach milestones that I thought I would have reached by now.
There is this nasty voice in my head that suggests that I’m just not doing it right or I need to push through the pain. My saner self realizes that I am doing what I need to do but the bully and other unsavory characters I carry inside my head have different ideas.
One of my inner voices is constantly comparing myself to others. My inner achiever voice constantly asks, “Am I as fast at healing as others have?” — as if my worth will be enhanced by healing faster.
My inner impatient judge shouts, “I should be able to do more by now.”
And my inner pleaser wishes she could do more to help Jon around the house and be more useful in the world.
Today I talked with a health practitioner about my inner perception of lack of sufficient progress in my healing process. He suggested that I was moving very well and that my recovery would be slower until I completely recovered from the drug reaction that was still affecting my digestive system. Not only am I healing from the surgery, I’m healing a lot of inflammation that affects how I feel and how much I am able to do.
Sigh…
The relief I felt was quickly followed by a realization of how much unpleasantness my own mind had created by allowing myself to be ambushed by old unconscious habits and thought patterns.
The thing is I’ve worked to quiet these inner voices before. I’ve worked on self-compassion and letting go of judgment for a long time. But I’m human and when stress levels rise, it’s easy for old patterns to arise.
The antidote to my mind’s dangerous neighborhoods is exquisite self-care, practicing presence and awareness, and choosing joy. Today I bought a small bouquet of flowers and set up my tripod in the dining room. I was able to immerse myself in making photographs. Tomorrow I am getting out my watercolor paints again. I’m also getting back into my regular medication routine.
What brings you joy? Is your mind a dangerous neighborhood? Combat mind games with joy and presence.
May you walk in beauty.
0 Comments