First Watercolor Class Project — Learning different techniques

When was the last time you tried a new art form or took a class about something that intrigues you?

Explore Something New!

This week I started a beginning watercolor painting class sponsored by Robbinsdale Area Community Education. For a long time I’ve wanted to learn how to paint with watercolors. I tried checking out books from the library and working through them. For some reason I never stuck with them or the instruction didn’t cover what I needed to learn.

Several years ago I signed up for a beginning watercolor class through an art center. When I excitedly arrived for my first class I discovered that it wasn’t really a beginner class. Everyone in the class except me had been attending regular classes with the instructor for two to four years. I didn’t like the class, the teacher, or the way that the teacher taught. And I was in over my head. The combination of being in the wrong type of class and my own internal expectations about needing to be “good” at what I did derailed me from riding through the initial discomfort of being the “dumbest” one in class. Instead of relaxing and asking for the help I needed, I quit the class after attending just 2 classes. I wasn’t enjoying creative exploration—my mind was too busy trying to keep up with everyone else and judging the results of my efforts instead of relaxing and enjoying the process.

Second Watercolor Class Project — my washes in the background were not what I intended them to be and trees were just awful.

It was with huge trepidation that I signed up for another watercolor painting class. I figured since it was only four weeks long and I had read some good reviews of the instructor, I would give it a try. Wow! I’m so glad that I did. My first class experience was so different from the previous class. We were treated as true beginners. And I learned some basic things about brushes and watercolors and how to use them that I did not know. I struggled to reproduce what the instructor showed us and my painting results during the class were less than beautiful. Nevertheless I worked hard to stay present in the moment and simply enjoy the process without judging. So far, I view the class as a success. I had fun and I learned enough to make me want to try some things at home and to practice the things I learned.

Enjoying Creative Exploration

It was fun exploring and learning new things in my watercolor class, even though I wasn’t very successful in creating what I wanted to create.

Now it wasn’t easy to let go of my expectations and judgments and feel good about the class despite my (in my opinion) poor results in painting. And a couple of times I had to speak gently to the kid inside my head who was busy comparing my creation to others in the class. My inner child wanted to auto-magically paint beautifully right away and be the best.

Sometimes I think the hardest part of trying out a new creative experience is my inner expectations and judgment. As one of the “smart” kids in school when I was growing up, I learned things quickly—more quickly than most other students I was with. The problem with that was that I developed high expectations of being “good” at whatever I tried without putting in a lot of work, practice, or effort. If I tried something and felt like I wasn’t one of the best at it, I quit. I didn’t know how to work hard to learn something new or to persevere through challenges.

At Home experiments with brush in my sketch pad after first class

It wasn’t until I went back to college in my late twenties for a career change from human services to computer science that I really learned to work hard and persevere. And even then I was able to judge my results as successful by the grades that I got in the classes I took. I still hadn’t learned to relax, be present, and enjoy the process of exploration and learning.

Three things have changed the way I explore something new

The first is mindfulness meditation, second is my falling in love with photography, and third is deciding to always choose joy in my life.

Practicing mindfulness and learning self-compassion has increased my inner resilience and allowed me to step outside of judging and into the act of being present and appreciating what is. The practice of presence is a life-long journey which impacts all areas of my life, but especially my creative life. When I let go of outcome, I am free to explore, play, and be as I am. The joy of playing and following my passion are all that matters. This makes it possible to love doing something without getting attached to how it turns out.

Let me be clear. The patterns of judging and working towards specific outcomes are deeply ingrained in me. I get side-tracked by ego and outcome more often than I would like. But my regular mindfulness practice helps me to see when I am getting hooked by old programs more quickly than I used to.

My photography learning sneaked up on me

When I first fell in love with photography I was a terrible photographer!

Truly, I was. At my first photography workshop when the instructor was going through students’ photos at the end of class and giving positive feedback on what they had done well and making suggestions on how to improve, he could find almost nothing to say about my photos. Lord help him, he tried but there was very little in them that was praise-worthy. I felt a little sad when I compared myself to others in the class but I still loved making photographs.

Surprisingly the lack of positive feedback in that first workshop  didn’t stop me from continuing to pursue photography. Thank God I felt such passion about the process of making photographs. Being in nature, seeing beauty, and slowing down to attempt to capture some of it fills me with joy. Even if I tried I couldn’t not make photographs. I am driven by my inner passion for beauty to keep making photographs, editing photographs, taking workshops, and studying the work of other photographers. I have had “dry spells” where I lose my passion for photography for a period of time (see my recent blog post What to Do When Your Muse Deserts You and Fallow Time — Turtles, Prayers and Whispers) but my passion for beauty has not left me.

We don’t always fall into our passion like I did with photography. For years I wished that I had one thing that I felt passionately about as I watched friends who knew from childhood that one thing that they wanted to do in life. I never felt that passion about my work or about other activities in my life (except maybe reading which I love) until I discovered photography. My discovery of photography was a happy accident of trying to make photos of wildflowers (which I love) and failing to create what I envisioned. When I asked a friend why I couldn’t achieve the look I wanted, he explained that my point-and-shoot camera did not allow me to adjust depth of field (which turned out to be the effect I was envisioning). This made me get curious and decide to take a workshop to see if I liked photography well enough to buy a camera which allowed me to adjust depth of field.

I feel so blessed to have stumbled into a creative pursuit that brings me total joy but not everyone has that experience. Sometimes you simply need to explore many different things before you find something that speaks to you.

So I what I tell people is, “Don’t worry about finding your passion. Just look around today and ask yourself if there’s absolutely anything that you can find in the world that you feel even one percent curious about.” And then follow it. Make the effort to turn your head more than a quarter of an inch. See what it is. Examine it and then find the next thing. And the next thing. And that trail of pursuing your curiosity very loyally—with a kind of discipline—[and] knowing that your curiosity will eventually take you to your destiny. I think that’s where you find your passion. Eventually, it will lead you there. — Elizabeth Gilbert

Choosing Joy

When I began pursuing photography full time I was determined to “be successful” at it. In my mind that meant, making money and receiving some sort of acclaim. I was happy in my work but not happy with the results. Though I quickly opened an Etsy store and actually sold a fair number of prints on Etsy, the whole Etsy experience wasn’t bringing me joy. Fortunately I got some wonderful advice from someone at a time when I was receptive to hearing it.

I’ve written about it before but it never hurts to repeat such important words. Here is a copy of a note I received from a teacher at just the right time:

Marilyn — Joy is productive, even when the results aren’t tangible or easily measurable. You need not have anything to show for it. Do what you love only because you love it — eventual rewards will come & be icing on the cake. Until you can comfortably rest in experiencing joy for the sake of joy, you cannot commit to doing what will inspire joy in others.

     — Liv Lane

This note changed my life! Since I received it I have been focusing on choosing joy for the sake of joy. As a result of listening to that little voice of joy inside me, today, I live a different life than I did before. While I still pursue photography for the joy of it, I no longer focus on making it a profitable business. I don’t need to and every time I change my focus there, I lose sight of my joy.

Despite choosing joy regularly, I still get side-tracked by old voices and it’s a constant path of discernment asking myself, “Does this bring me joy?” There is an old saying, “One step forward and two steps back.” That’s how I often feel on my joy journey. When I get off track (which I do regularly) my goal now is to return to the joy train as quickly as I can. No judgment. No shame. No worry. Simply let go and recognize that I am human. Then embrace joy and go explore something new.

When was the last time you explored something new simply for the joy of it?

May you walk in beauty, explore new things joyfully, and spread light and love.

Practice at home after first class — working on shaded washes – trees still suck