I’ve been feeling a frustration with my photography. It’s the kind of frustration where I feel like none of my new work is turning out as I envisioned it. The early results of a project that I started late last fall have been challenging and disappointing The late winter landscape is uninspiring. And as I review the photographs in my online Etsy shop I see the flaws in them and not their beauty.

I feel as if I am waiting—waiting for spring to arrive and waiting for inspiration to arrive as well—and lord knows, I’m not very good at waiting!

“I feel myself getting hungry. Or perhaps I’m always hungry but only now recognizing that gnawing feeling for what it is…  The hunger is to create new work, work that opens me to new experiences, and gives me the deep soul-satisfaction of having created something, told a story, touched someone somewhere.” — David duChemin, Blog Post Hungry

On the surface it appears that nothing is happening during this fallow waiting time and I become impatient. I seek something to quell the uneasy frustration I am feeling.

I distract myself by going back to edit old photos with new tools.  Sometimes I even wonder whether my love affair with photography has ended and I think about putting my camera down for good and seeking employment again as a software engineer.

Then I realize the root of my discontent.

Growing Pains

The source of my discontent is that my vision for what I want to do has taken a creative leap, but my capabilities have not caught up with my vision. On top of that my vision is still blurry and indistinct. I know that what I have been doing isn’t enough, but the path forward is not yet clear either. I know that I don’t want to just make pretty pictures any more. But I’m not sure what I want to make.

“But here’s the thing, … [people] seem to want me to give some advice that will help stop the frustration, which is the same thing as extinguishing a fire I’m trying really hard to keep ignited…

The hunger is fed when we do our work. And its presence – always there, always gnawing, even in the middle of work that we’re doing right now – is a good thing. Listen to it. But be intentional about how you feed it.” — David duChemin, Blog Post Hungry

I recently began watching the television show, “The Voice.” The thing that got me interested enough to watch was the coaching sessions the stars of the show have with the contestants. While we get to see only glimpses of the coaching process I became intrigued by the advice the coaches gave the contestants. Invariably each coach encouraged the contestant to overcome a personal struggle. For each contestant it was a different struggle. But there was also a universality to much of their advice, that applied to all of the singers:

Taking their singing to the next level required them to show the audience who they really were, to risk being vulnerable, to let their feelings show, and to take chances.

“A bit of advice
Given to a young Native American
At the time of his initiation:
As you go the way of life,
You will see a great chasm. Jump.
It is not as wide as you think.”
― Joseph Campbell

Huh! Big sigh… Yup, this is a big part of the next leap I need to make. While I certainly have more technical learning to do, the type of growing I need to do now to satisfy my creative muse has nothing to do with technique. It is a highly personal journey to transcend my current limitations and develop my personal vision and voice.

“We’re not on our journey to save the world but to save ourselves. But in doing that you save the world. The influence of a vital person vitalizes.”
― Joseph Campbell

So what am I doing to help me through this hungry, uncomfortable, frustrating process?

• I am surrounding myself with other gifted photographers and artists, continuing to experience and learn about that unique spark that each of us brings to our work.
• I am reaching out to work more with other photographers, sharing my frustrations, exploring new ways of doing the work.
• I am challenging myself with new photography “assignments” that push me to explore my own emotions, feelings, and vision more deeply.
• I am seeking out new experiences to feed my soul and bring me joy.
• I am working on mindfully noticing and accepting the frustrating growing pains rather than trying to make them go away or distracting myself.
•  I am practicing loving kindness towards myself especially when I notice I am feeling frustrated or judging my lack of progress towards my goals.
• I am doing the work, every day.

Artists often work alone, but we cannot grow without feedback and interaction with others. Accepting and allowing frustration and growing pains is a part of the process of mastery. My wish for you is that you also notice, explore, and accept your frustration and growing pains instead of deadening yourself with mindless distractions. And I wish that you reach out to others to share your journey and your learning.

May you walk in beauty.

Akaka Falls

Akiko (on right) and friend (from my Hawaii walk-about)

Someone’s prayer

Beautiful old house in Wailea village

Hula practice