Trumpeter Swans
Despite my best efforts, I often compare my work or myself to others and then feel as if I would be better if I was more like them.
I learned to compare myself to others early in life at school and at home. I don’t know, maybe the human animal is programmed to compare. I also learned that schools, church, employers, and family reward certain kinds of behaviors more than others.
It was easy to slip into a lifetime of doing what I thought others expected rather than to learn to follow my own path through noticing what brings me joy.
When I was working as a software engineer and I met someone who impressed me with their knowledge and capability, I often thought, “I should be more like him [or her].” And when I struck out in unexpected directions in the corporate world in order to follow my heart, it was rarely understood or rewarded.
Now, when I look at the photography of a “successful” photographer (at least they seem successful to me), I am tempted to try to figure out how I can be more like her [or him].
It wasn’t until I stopped expecting outside acceptance or rewards and started looking for simple joy that I actually succeeded in letting go of trying to be like anyone else or to do what I thought was expected of me.
“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
― Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC
Despite my belief that following joy is the purpose of my life, it is still easy to get seduced off the joy path by thoughts of status, success, or money.
I have learned that while I can learn from others, what I choose to do and create must come from the “deep gladness” in my heart. Otherwise, I’m letting the world and myself down.
It’s not easy doing that. I am constantly distracted by my admiration for other artists or by all of the people out there ready to tell me how to become a new better me.
In my daily meditation, I often notice thoughts about what I “should” do, or about conversations or events in the future. As much as I am able, I simply notice my thinking and then return my attention to my breath.
“The original, shimmering self gets buried so deep that most of us end up hardly living out of it at all. Instead we live out all the other selves, which we are constantly putting on and taking off like coats and hats against the world’s weather”
― Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets
Recently I was discussing photography with a friend who was telling me that I had a unique style that was totally congruent with my personality and who I am (or at least with how she sees me). It was disconcerting at first to think that I was that transparent in my work. But then I realized that my discomfort was based on fear that who I am is not enough.
Celebrate Being Me
[bctt tweet=”I decided to celebrate being transparent in my art.”]
[bctt tweet=”I am enough and so are you.”]
I believe the rewards of noticing and following your deep gladness and joy will grow and grow if you persist. The more you bring out your “original shimmering self” the more your work in the world will be a blessing to yourself and others.
Where are you following your deep gladness in your life? Are you bringing out your “original shimmering self?”
May you walk in beauty.
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