Quote of the day: ““Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.” ― Tony Schwartz
Hapuna Beach
The day before yesterday I moved to the Kona side of the Big Island. Funny how such a little move has thrown me back into stress and uncertainty. After a month at Akiko’s B&B north of Hilo, I had become comfortable. I knew my way around the town of Hilo, and vicinity. I enjoyed the people in the small village where Akiko lives and I fell in love with the quiet, “outside of time” nature of staying there.
Door to my little studio in the Kona Hills
Driving over to Kona was fun. I stopped at a lovely beach and swam. I enjoyed seeing the countryside near Waimea where ranches flourished. But as I approached Kailua-Kona, the traffic picked up and my sense of the place changed significantly. It felt more “touristy,” less authentic. And the roads in this area all seem to be going either steeply uphill or steeply downhill, narrow and curving, another stress along with navigating unfamiliar territory.
Wild Turkeys Wandered Through the Yard Where I’m Staying
I’m not very happy with the place I’m staying. I don’t like the town. I find the landscape prettier on the other side of the island. My complaints and list of things I don’t like could go on and on. But really, what I don’t like is the not knowing, of everything being unknown and unfamiliar. My stress level goes up, just trying to find a grocery store or a place to eat.
For the two days since I arrived in Kona, I’ve been in an unconscious fog, simply looking for a way out. My mind is already asking, “How can I get back to Akiko’s sooner?” Instead of fully embracing this place, and allowing my feelings to be as they are, all I think of is “How do I get out of here?”
Sunset View From My Room
Last night I moved into action. I made plans to move my departure date from Kona to Tuesday (instead of my original plan of Friday) and I emailed Akiko to make sure that she had room for me the extra days.
This morning I woke up — literally and figuratively! “Oh,” I thought. “This is what I do when I become too uncomfortable.” It’s as if I have a limited amount of courage or adventure juice in me, and when I exceed those limits, I begin to feel so much discomfort that I move into action — I plan, I leave, I give up, I escape. Instead of staying and accepting myself in this place of discomfort and not knowing, I immediately try to find a way out.”
Hapuna Beach
Sigh… Bigger sigh… I can’t believe I’ve done it again, so soon, so blindly.
Let it go. Move on. Breathe. Accept.
This is why I am making this trip, to push up against my current edges, see them for what they are, and hopefully expand them, through mindfulness.
When do you go unconscious in your life? What edges do you avoid? What feelings do you escape from? Can you for one moment just breathe into them, accept, and release judgment? There, doesn’t that feel better?
Spencer Beach Park
Rain Moves Over the Kona Hills
Old Building Near Spencer Beach
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