Quote of the day:
“These days it is hard for me to find any suffering that I do not inflict on myself, over and over, any problem that isn’t born of my own fear and brittle judgment, again and again, any impossibility that doesn’t arise from my own parsimonious view: the view that what I am and what I have is not enough. Never enough.
Insufficiency can be our most cherished possession. We wear it like a permanent stain. That’s why everything they keep selling us, and everything we keep buying, is some kind of soap.
Worn out and fading fast? You need triple-strength color guard…. Not true, except by believing, we make it so.”
Karen Mazen Miller, hand wash cold: care instructions for an ordinary life
Hapuu Pulu (Hawaiaan Tree Fern) getting ready to unfurl
Yesterday, running on too little sleep, I decided to work in the garden in the morning and go to the beach by myself in the afternoon. But when I put on the old swimsuit I brought with me to Hawaii, I discovered that it was worn beyond being presentable. This complicated my trip to the beach with a stop at Walmart (the only store I knew would probably have swim suits for sure) to pick up a cheap swimsuit.
It should have been simple enough, but,not knowing my way around Hilo, I relied on mapquest to guide me. Unfortunately mapquest took me a residential neighborhood nowhere near Walmart and then I was faced with finding my way back to somewhere familiar (not an easy task for me), and finally to Walmart. Eventually I navigated myself to Walmart and then to the beach (with a few unnecessary side-trips in between), and then back to Akiko’s place.
Me Working in Anthurium Garden
My little adventure could have been total fun if I had let it be. Instead I because I was tired to begin with, and stressed about getting lost, getting to the beach “in time” (what time limits did I have anyway?), and getting back to Akiko’s before dark, it was a very frustrating afternoon.
I found myself discouraged, sore, and tired in the evening, even though I managed to get everywhere I wanted to go (eventually). That led to disgruntlement about how much of a hassle it is for me to navigate between 4 different spaces at Akiko’s for sleeping, eating, bathing, and working on the internet. Upstairs, downstairs, across the street, across the courtyard—it isn’t that far distance-wise, but when I’m in pain, it becomes very challenging.
Pretty soon I was beating up on myself for not exploring more, not taking enough photos, not being stronger, more fearless–you get the picture. What a bunch of rot!
Path in Anthurium Garden
I stopped my negative thinking and remembered working in the anthurium garden this morning. I created a system that let me do some standing, reaching, and bending work, and then sit on a low stool trimming and cutting the mulch, then a little more standing and bending placing the mulch. I had fun. It is such a beautiful, other-worldly place. The sun filtering through the Hapuu Pulu (Hawaiian Tree Fern), the bright spots of color of the red anthurium flowers, the gentle breeze cooling me, a big frog jumping out a surprising me, and the sense of accomplishment of a job well-done. I did as much as I could and when I felt pain and fatigue, I stopped working for the day.
Mulching Around Anthurium Plant
When I finally made my way to the beach, I loved being in the salt-water, swam a little, and decided to do Ai Chi exercises to gently move my muscles. As I listened to the waves crashing on the breakwater lava rocks further out, and moved slowly and meditatively in the water, a light rain started. So gentle and misty at first, it tickled my face. Later, when it started raining harder, I instinctively looked for lightning, but of course, there was none to be found, it was totally safe to be in the water in the rain. Water on water, so serene and beautiful.
My tools and sitting stool in the garden
Yes, it is hard for me to explore new places. Yes, I am limited in what I do. Yes, Akiko’s place isn’t as easy for me as I had hoped. And it is all ok. It’s more than ok, it’s perfect.
Hapuu Pulu (Hawaiian Tree Fern)
Tangelo tree near the anthurium garden
So much abundance – unused fruit rotting on the ground
Hapuu Pulu and Tangelos against the sky
Dried Hapuu Pulu, ready to cut up and use for mulch
Huge Frog That Surprised me in the Garden
Freshly Mulched Anthurium
0 Comments