Quote of the day: “Don’t push the river, it flows by itself.”
Yoga Practice at the Beach
Note: I wrote this post Friday but didn’t post until Saturday.
Nights are long when I wake up every hour because of pain. In the past, when I had nights like this, I would get uptight and upset thinking things like “I shouldn’t feel like this,” and “I need to do something to fix this.” I increased my suffering because of my strong reaction to being “in pain” and “not sleeping well.”
My Lovely Room Overlooking the Jungle
Another View of my Room
I am doing it differently during this trip. I knew that one of the challenges I would face would be discomfort. And I decided before I came to accept that would be part of the deal here given my body’s current condition.
I decided to embrace the practice of radical acceptance. Radical acceptance is a practice that allows me to accept anything, the good, the bad—I don’t need to go off into “what-if’s” or “it shouldn’t be’s.” I can accept that there is pain in my body but I am not that pain. I can lean into and relax into and explore whatever is going on. I’m not claiming to be skilled in this practice. It is, after all, a practice. But I am finding a sense of equilibrium despite the challenges.
Palm Trees at the Beach
Here I am in Hawaii. There is no quick fix in sight for the challenges I face. There is no right way or wrong way. And it is all good. I am learning and growing and experiencing my limits and my possibilities.
I realize that my zeal in jumping into the hard physical labor here this week, was not respectful of my body’s needs now. There is a difference between what I wish I could do and what I can do right now—maybe always. Just because I’m someplace new doesn’t mean that all the pain issues that I’ve dealt with for years are going to evaporate.
The Beach Where I Swam Today
Yet, there is a part of me that wants to push through pain, thinking that by doing so I will be able to do more with less pain. Even though I have learned countless times in my life, that pushing through pain doesn’t work for me (it just creates more pain), I learned the lesson again this week.
I wonder if others struggle with this. Where is line between growing and learning and doing to strengthen, and pushing too hard? If I never try something, how do I know what my limits are? How do I become a “body whisperer,” listening deeply to the wisdom of my body? One of the secrets that I learned this past year is respecting my limits and doing more when I feel good and it feels good to move, stopping when I start hurting. The old adage, “no pain, no gain,” doesn’t work for me.
I was surprised to see ducks that look like Mallards swimming in the ocean here.
I didn’t come to Hawaii to see how much physical work I could do or to try to heal the physical issues I have. I came here to experience the life here, to feel the flow of the rhythms, to learn about a way of life radically different from my daily life, to make beautiful photographs drawn from my experience of life here. I came to see how simply I could live.
I arrived here Monday night. It’s Friday now—that’s barely 4 days—not nearly long enough to get into a daily rhythm. I’m pretty much through the jet lag. And I’m becoming accustomed to the simple living quarters and the rhythms of the day at Akiko’s. I love my little room overlooking the jungle. And I enjoy getting to know the women here, Akiko’s joy and bawdy humor, Linda’s energy and independence, Sara’s exploration and interest in permaculture.
Grassy Area for Sunning
We all work for part of the day, although I am not working today, other than a little sweeping I did first thing this morning. I may not work 15 hours a week after all at Akiko’s. Time, and my body, will tell. Last night I realized that I had pushed too hard and needed to rest. Today, I did no hard work in the garden, or lifting and hauling things.
My foam mattress pads arrived yesterday and today Akiko suggested that I try out a regular bed in the house across the street that she recently acquired. The house has been cleaned and painted but Akiko hasn’t yet furnished it, except for some of the original furnishings she is keeping. I am keeping my little jungle room for daytime writing and working on photography and moving across the street to sleep at night. I am hopeful that the bed there will work better for me.
Another View of Where I Swam
This afternoon I went to the beach with a friend of one of the women here, whom I met the other evening. Swimming in the ocean felt so good! And afterwards I felt so cool and relaxed. The beaches in Hilo are not sand beaches. Most have some sort of barrier of lava that creates a calm area for swimming while the waves crash into the rocks further out. The bottom is sandy in places, rocky in places. The shore is rocky but there is a lovely grassy area in the sun. And the water is warm and then cool because of cool water runoff into the sea from rainy Hilo. Unfortunately, Hilo is still in a draught. Although the skies cloud over, there has been no rain since I arrived.
In the beach park
I am in awe of the abundant life everywhere I look here. I can go out and pick as many ripe lemons, tangerines, oranges, tangelos, and avocados, as I want. Bananas and papayas are plentiful. I don’t plan to buy any more fruit now that I’ve seen how much there is freely available in the neighborhood.
Wishing you Aloha and gratitude and, if you choose, radical acceptance.
Ready for the beach
0 Comments