Quote of the day: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” — Carl Rogers
The older I get, the less certain I am of anything.
Things that I thought I knew for sure when I was younger have been proven wrong. Nothing is as it seems.
I don’t see anything as black or white anymore. Everything is a shade of gray. I see an element of truth in a belief or ideal, and at the same time, see an element of truth in seemingly opposite beliefs or ideals.
Once in a while something true hits me, and I absolutely know that it’s true because I get goosebumps when I hear it or read it or experience it. I call this kind of truth, wise truth.
Wise truth points me in the direction of wholeness and oneness.
Wise truth surprises me.
Wise truth is simple.
And the funny thing about wise truth, is that often, it’s a paradox.
Last weekend, I heard someone say that in order to change anything about themselves, they first needed to totally accept themselves. Zing! Goosebumps up and down my spine!
At the same time as I totally felt the truth of what they had said, my rational mind felt like it had turned into jelly. What??? How can I accept myself totally if I want to change something about myself? If accepting myself fully means that I don’t want to change anything about myself, then why would accepting myself lead to change? And round and round it goes…
How can I understand this paradox or any paradox?
One of the keys I’ve discovered is changing from an either/or mindset to a both/and mindset. When I view my life and the universe as a set of polarities like black-white, right-wrong, good-bad, I create separation and judgment. When I view my life and the universe with a both/and lens, I see unity and connectedness.
I don’t know about you, but I find seeing unity and connectedness makes me happier than creating separation and judgment. And when I’m happier my life goes better.
So here is how I have reconciled myself to the paradox of needing to accept myself fully before change can happen.
When I accept myself as I am, I create a field of wholeness and a field of the possibility of wholeness, in which change can occur. If I don’t accept myself as I am, I’m creating a field of resistance and lack. This makes it more difficult to change.
It’s related to another truth that I live by: going towards something that I want is much more effective than trying to eliminate a “problem.” For example, I would like to lose weight. But the whole construct of solving the “problem” of my weighing more than I want to, doesn’t get me much traction in changing my weight. Instead, it creates resistance, which stops the flow of energy. When I go towards what I want or I imagine that I am strong, healthy, vital, and whole then I start to feel more energy and vitality.
Ask yourself these 4 questions to help you move towards in your life:
- What am I resisting in my life?
- How is that resistance stopping the flow of my life?
- How can I accept that thing fully?
- Where does my best life want to flow now?
What paradox are you encountering in your life right now? Where does your best life want to flow? And what do you need to accept to allow that flow to happen?
1 Comment
lynn · April 23, 2012 at 2:50 pm
lovely photos, interesting and thought provoking content, I shall use your 4 questions for my journal time this week and pass you on to friends and family :>)