Hitting a Bump on the Road of Intention

Quote of the day: “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ~ Mae West

A short detour with a quick return to the path

Yesterday I got an email about a software engineering contracting opportunity – it was for exactly my skill set and industry and wonder of wonders the location was very nearby.  After I read the email, I was so tempted by the path of least resistance that I almost replied that I was interested in the opportunity even though I know in my heart that is not the right thing for me right now.  It surprised me to feel so ambushed by old habits.  As I was telling my husband about the email, he literally stepped between me and the computer, saying, “Let’s put some distance between you and that email right now.”

Let me explain a little about why this isn’t right for me at this time – I have had fibromyalgia for almost 30 years and in the past few years it became quite clear to me that I needed to do something besides software engineering.  Over the past few years my health was going downhill, stress levels sky-rocketing, and I no longer loved what I was doing.  I felt like I did nothing but work and recover from work and then I wasn’t even recovering despite working only 32 hours per week and taking as much time off as I could manage.  Then I fell in love with photography and as fate would have it, was laid off from my job as principal software engineer for a medical device maker.

I decided not to go back into software engineering but to pursue what I absolutely love – photography.  It’s taken me months to de-compress from the corporate mindset and to embrace a simpler way  and different pace of life.  And I LOVE it.  I am literally playing every day, learning by doing, and trying new things.  I don’t need to make a lot of money, but our retirement would allow more travel and luxuries if I could make some.

So why was the contracting opportunity so tempting?  Because I had just read an article in a magazine about how much savings one should have at age 60 in order to retire at age 66 and the numbers and the “you need to work for as long as you can in order to have a secure retirement” advice struck a chord of fear. So far, even though I had more sales than I anticipated in 2011, I’ve not made any money as a photographer.  And this year I plan to focus on building my health and my skills more than on building a “successful” business, so who knows what the future will bring.

The fear doesn’t matter though.  It will come and it will go.  My belief that life is short and that I need to do what I love will not come and go.  This is what I am meant to be doing now and I live each day with no regrets, full of joy and gratitude.

The Sign Says it All

A note on the photos below – we have a pond behind our house.  Our neighbor has cleared the snow and created an ice rink for his daughters. Last night they were out skating. You can see the joy they have in skating from a distance. These photos were taken from my window, at night, with high ISO, with fast moving targets. The quality is not good, but I love the story they tell.

Little Ice Skater on Pond

Sometimes you Fall Down

But then you get up and go again

Dad and daughters on the ice

Blur on the left is fast-skating Dad clearing snow

Little ice skater - long shadow