Accepting that I am only human is a regular necessary practice for me. Despite my mindfulness, joy seeking, and gratitude practices, I often forget the being part of human being and get obsessed with doing (what I want to do right now dammit!). When I am unable to do what I want to do because of physical limitations or even skill limitations, I often forget to be present in the moment and get lost clinging to what I want. This causes all kinds of frustration and even increased pain levels.
“Your job is not to be perfect. Your job is only to be human.” — Jacqueline Novagratz, Inspiring a Life of Innovation
The past few weeks have been an exercise in falling into clinging to what I want and then slowly recognizing that however things are, I can step back and become present to what is.
The beautiful spring weather has me wanting to get out in nature with my camera every day to make photographs, but the reality of my body is that too much activity too often increases pain levels so much that I can’t sleep at night and then things rapidly spiral downward until I need to take several days to rest and relax.
It seems that one of the riskiest times for me losing my equanimity, presence, and acceptance is after I’ve had a series of good health days where it feels good to move and I have lots of energy. The less good days that follow one of these intervals fill me with a longing to figure out what I need to do to experience more good days or I push through pain to do what I want to do, thinking (somewhat magically) that this time it will be different.
And I fall into believing that if I only try harder I can change things, or if I can figure this out, I can fix it.
It’s only natural to want to feel good and be able to do the things I love. But when that desire keeps me from accepting what is, it becomes unhelpful.
This week I realized that all of this is part of a pattern of believing in the myth of perfection and that I somehow need to justify my existence by what I do in my life.
I go back to lessons I learned long ago—
“There is no need to justify your existence.”
Whenever I discover I am off-track, I whisper gently to myself, “Forgiven,” and let it go.
How about you? Is the desire for perfection creeping into your life or your work? If so, take a moment to notice your breath happening and whisper with me, “Forgiven.” May you always find a way to be present with and accept what is.
May you walk in beauty.
Note: All of the photos in this post are recent iPhone art play.
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