Quote of the day: “The universe is not short on wake-up calls. We’re just quick to hit the snooze button.” — Brene Brown
Serene Pink Water Lily
Every day as I attempt to live my life awake, aware, and present to what is, I find the myriad of ways that I’m not awake, aware, or present. Yesterday, I was ambushed by angry feelings I had been ignoring for too long. I don’t do anger well. In fact, I avoid angry scenes at all costs and I even fool myself into thinking that I’m not angry when I am. If all else fails, I turn the anger inward at myself, instead of dealing with the relationship that isn’t working. It is as if I feel that it’s spiritually immature to get angry or that it’s a dangerous business, that is best avoided. So like the ostrich, I bury my head in the sand when anger comes calling.
How then, can I change how I relate to important people in my life, if I remain stuck in willful ignorance and denial when I am angry with them? Not very well.
Last night I spent a long time journaling, spewing out my angry thoughts. After awhile, the anger started moving and changing. I realized that underneath it were feelings of sadness, hurt and great vulnerability. To speak out, to take up space, to be willing to make the cracks and flaws visible is part of living an authentic and whole-hearted life. It takes courage and strength to hold oneself and one’s friends accountable. It’s often not the big stuff that ambushes me, but the little, petty, small stuff that seems like it shouldn’t matter. The small stuff matters, if it is creating a barrier between me and someone I love. Time to have a conversation with my friend and let the light shine through my cracks and foibles and failings.
Photos made last week:
Stone Arch Bridge in Autumn
Angles and lines - Guthrie Theater
Self-portrait - reflections of city on Guthrie Theater Exterior
Playing with Fairy Figure in the Woods
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